That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So much Jack, so little girl.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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