I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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