sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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