I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
