i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
