I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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