The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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