I just made out with a guy for $7.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
