So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
