spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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