Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
