Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
