it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
