you turned your livingroom into a bong?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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