I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize