Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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