Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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