The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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