even my farts smell like vagina
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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