I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
