i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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