I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
