Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
