I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
