Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
