could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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