Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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