Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
