It's Friday. Sex?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
