What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
