i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
