Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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