I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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