dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
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