So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
