oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
