How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
