Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
