I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
