Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize