just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
