If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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