I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
