Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I've blown a few things in my day
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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