Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
