I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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