We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
