He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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