I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Randomize
