I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
only you would photoshop your dick
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
