In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
