I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
