nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize