thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize