i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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