hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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