I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
