i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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