too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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