Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
