ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
