omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Non-Jews are for practice
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
