she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
