she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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