If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
