Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
