yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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