Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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